Ok I give up!

That's it. I give up. I am done trying to do this my way. Have you ever tried to hammer a square peg in a round hole? That's what I feel like I am doing with my life right now. I keep thinking that I have it all figured out. I keep thinking that I know best and I know the things that Heavenly Father wants me to do. And guess what? I am not in control! That is a really hard thing for me to admit sometimes. I guess I have just gotten so used to doing things myself that I forget that I am not really the one in control. I have been trying to buy a house for close to 5 months now. I found a town house just down the street from my mom's house. I was really excited about it. I felt like it was the right place for me to buy. But I have now tried 2 different times to buy it and both times it has fallen through. I went for a run Wednesday night to try and clear my head. I felt strongly that I need to take a step back from my life and re-evaluate things a little bit. I came to the conclusion that I need to give up. Not give up as in not try but rather give it up to Heavenly Father. I am pretty sure that things that I am going through right now is a way of teaching me to be more submissive to His will rather than trying to do it my own way. I get stubborn and impatient sometimes (I know, shocking right?). I don't know where I am supposed to go or where I will end up but I do know that I am where I am supposed to be. And as long as I am doing what I am supposed to do I will always be right where I am supposed be. Deep huh? So for now I am going to concentrate on relaxing and taking it one day at time...I have been trying really hard to focus on all the good things that I have. There is this Michael McLean song called "What I Need" and there is one particular line in that song that I have been thinking about a lot lately. It goes like this: "All I ever wanted, all I ever dreamed of, everything I hoped for and all the things I prayed for, couldn't hold a candle to what I've been given; I've been given what I need." This has been so true in my life. Even though things haven't worked out quite the way I had planned I have always been richly blessed and truly taken care of. I think back to an experience that I had when I was looking for an apartment to move into a year and a half ago. I was wondering if things were ever going to work out. I was driving one day and had this distinct thought. Heavenly Father hadn't let me down up until this point. What made me think that he was going to not take care of me now? I ended up moving into the best ward ever. I felt like I was exactly where I belonged. I feel that way about my ward right now too. I love this ward! I have totally loved being in Relief Society. I have really gained a strong testimony of Visiting Teaching in this ward. I have had some neat experiences which have strengthened my testimony of Visiting Teaching and ministering to other people. I truly feel like this is where I am supposed to be. So here's to giving up...or rather giving it up to Him!