D is for Divorced and Dating...

D is for Divorced and Dating!

Ok this is a most awkward post. But it is a part of my life. I don't think that anyone envisions or plans on being divorced. I know that I certainly didn't. But here I am 25, divorced and back in the dating world! Dating was never really an enjoyable experience. In fact David was my first real boyfriend and my first kiss. I did have a "boyfriend" in 9th grade when I lived in Vegas. His name was Bill. We went to different schools but hung out on the weekends. We held hands. Yep that was about it...I went on a few dates throughout high school and right after but I never really had a boyfriend until Dave. Dating was strange and hard for me before I got married. Now here I am almost 7 years later trying it again; only this time I have 2 kids and an ex-husband. These 2 things seem to frighten prospective dates. I also am finding it difficult to meet people. I mean I work, go to school and am a mother to 2 toddlers. When am I supposed to find time to date? Plus the thought of being up late every night like I was the first time around is scary. I rather enjoy my sleep and the thought of staying up late every night to "hang out" or text each other is well...not appealing to me at all! Some people have suggested that I go to a singles ward. Here are my issues with that: 1st I need to be in a family ward. After all I do have a family. Yes I know that my parents could just take my kids to church, but I feel like I need to be the one bringing them every Sunday. Yes I know that you know someone who took their kids to a singles ward once. And no matter how not awkward you say it was, I simply don't believe you! My 2nd issue with a singles ward is that I am in no mood to go to church every Sunday to try to show all these men why I am better than the hundreds of younger women who haven't been married and don't have children. Either you're interested in me or you're not. I don't want to play games! Then there is the suggestion of on-line dating. I tried it for a few weeks but decided that it was so not worth it since the only men who responded to my profile were old enough to be my dad. That sort of freaked me out and therefore turned me off from the whole on-line dating thing. Then there is the whole set up blind-date thing, which thus far has been unsuccessful and has left me wondering if people even really know who I am before they set me up with the first single guy they know. Believe it or not I would like to have something besides that fact that we are both single in common with my dates. I also have an issue with going on the actual date as well. I mean what am I supposed to talk about? I have found that the conversation inevitably leads somehow to something that would require me to talk about some memory that includes my ex-husband. So I find myself over thinking everything I say so that it doesn't sound like I am talking about my ex-husband too much. But I have found this to be hard since he was a major part of the last 6 years of my life and he is the father of my children. I mean don't get me wrong I certainly don't talk about David as if I wished we were still married and I haven't moved on, but he is going to come up one way or another. I just worry about making my date feel...well...awkward. But since I'm feeling awkward anyway I might as well make him feel the same way too right? I hate it when a date asks the dreaded question, "So what do you do in your spare time?" My response is usually an awkward laugh followed by random things that I used to enjoy once upon a time before I had kids. I just find it strange to say, "Well, I use my spare time to catch up on homework or sleep. I also enjoy watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and drawing with sidewalk chalk and blowing bubbles. How 'bout you?" I had a date once who tried to relate to me being a mother by telling me all kinds of awkward stories about himself as a kid. It was well...strange. So not only do I worry about the awkwardness of getting a date but also the awkwardness of actually going on the date. I am also sure that my date is wondering what the whole scoop is with my divorce. What is the proper etiquette with the divorce story? 1st date? 2nd date? I have decided that this is all too much worry about, so I have found that I don't really. I would rather focus my time and energy on being a mom and a student right now. If the right one comes along right now, awesome, great, wonderful. But if he doesn't come along for awhile I think I'll be ok with that too... This is the story of the 2 D's I wished didn't have to be...let's just hope it doesn't turn in to 2 yucky D's Desperate and Depressed!

Song: Single Ladies!

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