Some thoughts about being alone...

I am sitting here in my cute little house all alone. This is the first time that I have really been alone alone for almost a year. I usually love my alone time. I look forward to Wednesday nights because I know that the kids will be at their dad's. I always try to think of errands I need to run or projects that I need to work on. But tonight is one of those nights that I don't really have any errands to run or projects to work on...besides watching all of the seasons of Psych on netflix. I don't usually feel lonely...but for some reason tonight I am feeling particularly lonely. The purpose of this post isn't for people to feel sorry for me and I hope it isn't too depressing. I was just sitting here thinking about being alone. I wish that I wasn't so good at it! It feels like I have been alone forever! I know that it hasn't been quite that long but tonight it is feeling like it has been forever. People sometimes mistakenly think that being single is fun which is funny to me because I would take a boring night at home with my husband and kids over an awkward first date any day of the week!!! Dating is an interesting thing for me these days.

 I have been doing the whole on-line dating thing and it has been very interesting. I'm not sure if I am doing it right though because I only seem to be hearing from men who are old enough to be my dad. Oh wait I take that back...the website did pair me up with my younger brother...which was awesomely awkward. The one piece of dating advice that I seem to hear over and over is that when you quit looking for love is when you'll find it. Ok world....I QUIT LOOKING FOR LOVE!! Do you think that will work? Did I sound convincing enough or only more desperate?!?

 In all seriousness though I know that often times when I have to be patient for something it is because I have something to learn. I keep telling Heavenly Father that I am done learning patience so He can stop giving me lessons and tests. But He doesn't listen to me. He just keeps sending me more and more lessons in patience and faith like He knows what He's doing or something... I love the quote above having a good attitude while waiting. I am trying really really hard to have a good attitude. I try to grateful and wait patiently but sometimes it just gets so darn hard!! I do know that all of this time that I spend being alone has made me a stronger person. It has given me time to reflect on what it is I really want in my future spouse. It has also helped me to be a better mother to my kids. I am able to devote the majority of my time and energy to them. I also know that the longer that I wait for my future spouse the more I will appreciate him and love him more deeply when we are finally married. I know that there is someone else out there for me. I know that this akward waiting place that I am in is only temporary but some days it is hard to wait. There is this great video on youtube about being alone. Take a few minutes and watch it. She has some pretty cool advice for being alone. It is how I feel sometimes...although I am not sure I could ever really be brave enough to go dancing alone...or with anyone else for that matter.  

 
 I don't feel lonely all the time. I mean have 2 of the greatest kids ever!! Please don't get me wrong. I love them and I love being with them. I also am so blessed that I have so many awesome family and friends and co-workers and ward members in my life. I feel like I have such awesome supportive people in my life.  I also feel like I get so much strength from Heavenly Father and my Savior everyday. Ok, Ok, Ok, I guess I am not alone really but just single. I'm tired of being single not alone :) Well it's 9:15...I guess I better read my scriptures and go to bed...maybe I am a good match for those old men on-line afterall...