This is awkward...

awk·ward  adj \ˈȯ-kwərd\
lacking ease or grace; lacking social grace and assurance; causing embarrasment; not easy to handle or deal with

Yep that pretty much sums up my life! I'm not quite sure when the awkward stage started for me. I wish I could figure out when exactly it happened. I suppose I have always been awkward on some level but the awkwarness seems to have intensified over the last year or so.

People around me that are close to me have started to notice my awkwardness as well. I have been told on more than one occasion that I am perhaps one of the most awkward people in the world. I laugh because...well it is pretty much true. I would have to agree that I am one of the most awkward people ever!

I suppose that it is not so much that I am awkward but rather I am unusally gifted at creating awkward situations. Awkward really does seem to be my specialty. Awkward things are happening to me all the time. I think I must say "This is awkward..." about 10 time a week...sometimes more. It really should become my personal motto or catch phrase since I say it so often.

People around me have come to expect my akward stories. If something awkward hasn't happened to me recently then people start to worry that something is wrong. It's ok I like sharing my awkward stories. I like making people laugh. I just wish that I could do it without it involving  akward personal perdiciments. If my awkwardness hasn't scared you away yet I suppose that you will want a few examples of my awesomely awkward situations. So here goes:

First think about the fact that I dated and then married a co-worker. Not just any co-worker but one that I worked pretty closely with. Now think about how awkward it was when that marriage didn't work out after 3 months and we had the marriage annulled but still continue to work with each other. Can you imagine the awkward situations that occured in the days following? Who am I kidding? 6 months later and I am still having awkward moments with this. Not everyone at work knew what had happened so the first few months were filled with daily awkward occurences regarding my second failed attempt at marriage. I had co-workers asking when I was going to be having a baby. I had co-workers asking about how married life was going. I had one co-worker talk about what a cute couple we were at the begining of a staff meeting...after the anullment was final... and we were sitting at opposite ends of the room. At first it was just easier to nod my head and laugh my awkward laugh (which I am pro at now) and not correct them. People probably thought I was rude or something but in reality I was trying to save us from both feeling akward.  Just this week I had a co-worker whom I hadn't seen for a few months ask me how married life was. I laughed and said, "This is awkward..." to which she replied, "Oh my gosh! Are you pregnant?" Nope. I'm just akward.

Here is another great example of my awkwardness. I dated this guy recently...this really really awesome guy. Things ended...well...akwardly between us. There was no real ending. It just sort of ended. I was confused about what happened and I found out later that he was confused about what happened. It was just one big confusing, awkward mess. So I decided to do what any other girl in my situation would do...cry and mope and obsess about what went wrong...Oops! I mean... I decided to just move on...yeah that's it. I was going to try and move on and try my best to forget this whole akward thing even happened. Well obviously that plan doesn't work with my akwardness. So what do I do? I move into his ward. Yep. Now I see him on Sundays and think about what might have been and try not to feel akward.It is awesome!

Then there is the whole on-line dating thing. I don't know if you are aware of this or not but on-line dating creates a multitude of akward situations. I have had akward first dates. Like the date with the guy from the Caribean who was a good 2 feet shorter and 20 pounds lighter than me. Now the size difference wasn't as much as an issue as the fact that he wanted to marry me and take me back to the Caribean to build up the Kingdom of God. Akward! I mean this was a first date...that was quick...even by Mormon standards! On-line dating also creates akward phone conversations. Like the guy I talked to who remebered vividly learning how to walk...really? Really? You really remember learning to walk? Oh...and you were an early walker. Wow! You are truly amazing! Gifted really.  Um...I have to go to bed now...please don't call me back...ever... But the best akward on-line dating moment would have to be being matched up with my younger brother. Yep that was awesome!

So there you have it folks! A look into my akward life. I am learning how to embrace the akwardness...chanel it into something greater if you will. Here's to hoping that there is an akward, hot (well or at least semi-attractive) single guy waiting for me out there...